​Do you have an “inner critic”? It’s possible that you do and don’t realize it.  I say that because I believe it’s something that everyone struggles with at various points in life.  An inner critic is that inner dialogue that seems to drive your thoughts, behaviors, feelings, actions- primarily about yourself.  Interestingly enough, your inner critic often sounds like yourself.  That is why it’s so tempting and hard to dismiss.  It makes you hesitant to question the inner critic or even talk back to correct it.  In reality, your inner critic comes from a lot of different places.  It may come from negative or hurtful things your parents have said in the past.  It may come from society.  It may come from past hurts and past traumas.  For instance, your inner critic might tell you things like:

​ “Of course they don’t like you.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Why would you even try that?”

“You’re not worthy of this.” 

​So you’re probably noticing that your inner critic is problematic for a lot of reasons, mostly because your inner critic is usually wrong.  A negative inner critic has the power to keep you from growing, keep you from trying new things, and generally keep you from joyful and positive experiences. 
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However, if you don’t tame your inner critic and get it under control, it will control you.  So, how do you control your inner critic? 

Notice and identify your inner critic.  You need to be able to notice when your inner critic is activated.  If we are not mindful, we will not notice the inner critic but it’s essential that you learn to realize when it’s happening.  Meditation and mindfulness practices are a great way to gradually help you to begin to notice your inner critic a lot faster.

Learn about your inner critic.  Sometimes, you might feel hesitant to learn more about your inner critic because we’ve been told that if there is something bad or negative inside of you, it should be ignored or not talked about. However the opposite is true.  You need to lean into your inner critic and get to know it so that you’ll know exactly how to combat it.  Journaling is one way to gradually get to know your inner critic.  Whenever you notice your inner critic is being activated, write it down.  After a few journal entries, see if you can identify patterns in the inner critic’s dialogue. 

Start fighting back against your inner critic.  Once you feel confident in your ability to identify and know your inner critic more, you can start to fight back.  This can be done with affirmations.  An affirmation is simply a positive (or even neutral, if positive feels too strong) statement about yourself or your current reality.  For example, if my inner critic has told me that I’m not good at something, my affirmation might be “I have many strengths,” or “I can practice to become better.”  Either way, the affirmation is used to combat the negative idea that your inner critic has given. 

Flood your inner critic with positive vibes.  In addition to fighting back against your inner critic, you need to totally drown your inner critic out by surrounding yourself with positive people, positive images, positive environments, positive feelings, etc.  When you flood your inner critic with positivity, it loses its power and gradually will have no option but to become more positive and useful. 

Want to learn more about controlling your inner critic?  Check out episode #28 of 'A Different Perspective' Podcast. 

Photo by: Jo-Jo Jones Photography

Talking about suicide is hard, for several reasons.  Not only are we constantly combating the stigma of mental health in general, but we also are frequently turning our backs to the reality of suicide in our communities.  No one wants to talk about if or when they may have felt suicidal.  Rarely do we hear about those lost by suicide or the impact that was had on their friends or family members.  Suicide has a way of leaving an eerily quiet and lingering trial of guilt, sadness, shame, and isolation, which further perpetuates stigma. 

I know there has always been this myth that “Black people don’t kill themselves.”  Well, I’m here to tell you that is false.  Rather, I’m here to reveal that we all knew it was false all along.  In fact, many of us have been impacted by suicide in some way and those around us may not even know.  We like to pretend that WE or those we love will never and would never even consider suicide because it’s very difficult to imagine that someone would want to end their life.  We like to pretend this doesn’t happen to us because we are constantly telling ourselves that we are strong and that suicide is a weakness  We like to pretend this doesn’t happen to us because we have religion and our relationship with God is “supposed to” shield us from any pain that we can’t handle.  We like to pretend this doesn’t happen to us because we tell ourselves that it could always be worse.   Pretending that Black people don’t die by suicide makes it so that we don’t have to confront the pain of our lives or the pain of our loved ones.  Pretending that we are immune from thoughts or death by suicide creates an illusion that in the long run only hurts us. 

The reality is that there are several factors and circumstances that put us at risk for suicide.  These include psychological distress, substance abuse, access to weapons and firearms, social isolation, homelessness, exposure to violence, family dysfunction, maladaptive coping skills, and exposure to racial inequality and oppression.  We are also much more likely to die by suicide if we have previously attempted suicide.  Black communities are further put at risk for suicide because of the limited access to mental health service that we frequently experience, due to lack of proximity of services, lack of insurance for mental health coverage, stigma, and distrust of mental health professionals.  

So what are the facts about suicide in the Black community?  

(Source: “African American Suicide Fact Sheet, Based on 2015 Data (2017)”, American Association of Suicidology)

We have to keep talking about suicide.  We cannot afford to be silent about this because being silent has never made suicide go away.  If anything, our silence makes suicide more likely to happen because it allows us and those we love to go unnoticed and suffer alone.  Talking about suicide is key in the prevention of suicide. 
 
If you know someone who is considering suicide:
Listen.
Be sympathetic.
Offer hope.
Take them seriously.
Get them help.
 
If you are considering suicide:
Talk to someone.
Be honest.
Take this seriously.
Ask for help.
 
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. 

In the years that I have been a psychologist, one thing I have learned is that many people are afraid to go to mental health therapy.  I can recall several clients who have come to see me and later admitted that they were afraid to even consider coming.  Luckily, they decided to push through and soon realized that coming to therapy was one of the greatest decisions they had made. 
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There are many reasons why going to therapy can seem “scary” or produce some fear.  If you are (or have been) afraid to go to therapy, rest assured that you are not alone.  Below are the most common reasons I believe that many of us are afraid to go to therapy.  I hope this list eases some of your worries and pushes you further toward the decision to say YES to mental health therapy. 

Intentionally choosing to thrive in your current life is revolutionary.  I say this because we (and our ancestors before us) live in a time and a society that often seems to be full of hate, fear, and distress.  Living in this type of environment causes us to unintentionally get into “survival mode”- which puts limits and constraints on the potential and quality for our lives.  When we live in a racist or otherwise oppressive society, it often means that we also live in constant fear and anxiety for our livelihood.  We are encouraged to become smaller, different, or told to be less threatening.  We then begin to internalize these messages from society, and even encourage our children and loved ones to live in fear, with anxiety, and with limitations. 

This sick and limiting cycle is often the result of intergenerational experiences of racial trauma.  If you have not read Dr. Joy DeGruy’s “Posttraumatic Slave Syndrome” or even just watched some of her YouTube clips on this phenomena, you should!  Dr. DeGruy has done an excellent job at explaining and characterizing the exact effects that extreme racism and oppressive conditions have had on Black Americans.  The unfortunate part is that these conditions persist, and so do the effects.  Fortunately, many psychologists and other mental health professionals are finally catching on to the fact that racial trauma is real and needs further research and study. 

Racial trauma can be understood as a subset of trauma, as it specifically addresses traumatic experiences that are related to race, racism, and race-related stressors.  Therefore, racial trauma can be defined as racial experiences of real or perceived threat or danger.  These experiences can be directly experienced or the witnessing of someone else’s experience.  This can also be triggered by hearing about the racial experiences of others.  These racial experiences often cause feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, fear of safety, and perceived shortening of life expectancy (i.e. “I may not make it to 25 years old.”).  Racial trauma rarely involve a single event, and is more likely to be a culmination of racial experiences, resulting in insidious and chronic stress.  These racial events include individual racist events, consequences of institutional racism, effects of cultural racism, daily microaggressions, and perceived racism. 

​It would be difficult to find any person of color who lives in America and has not experienced some sort of racism, or race-related stressor.  Therefore, it is likely that many of us experience and are impacted by varying levels of racial trauma.  Likewise, it is common to encounter individuals who have experienced other traumatic events at some point in their lives.  More frightening is the idea that there are many people of color who experience racial trauma, in addition to other non-racial traumas.  This means that there are even more disturbing consequences for their lives. 
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Knowing this information about trauma, racial traumas, and knowing the conditions of the society in which we live, I want to us turn our attention to thriving.  “The art of thriving” explains the manner in which one chooses to push toward a life of optimal health, wellness, and one that exceeds beyond merely surviving.  While we may not always have control over the systemic or external conditions that surround us, we do have control over the following:  

Live in “what is…” not “what if.”
It’s important for us to learn to build our lives around what is, rather than what if.  Many of us are notorious for living a life of what if- “What if this happens,” “What if that happens,” “What if this doesn’t work,” “What if this goes wrong.”  The problem with what if is that it leads to infinite possibilities, most of which never happen.  Entertaining multiple what ifs leave us feeling anxious, emotionally distressed, and can lead to depression, as we begin to feel hopeless about the future and out of control.  Today, start to put more energy into what is happening right now.  What is happening right here, right now, in this very moment?  Practice living in the present moment, because every moment of life truly should be enjoyed in the present.   

Celebrate the wins.
When we live in a world and society full of oppression, chaos or toxic energy, it’s very easy to notice the negative things happening.  Sometimes it’s a lot easier to find the negative than the positive.  So, where are the wins?  Today, start to be intentional about finding the wins.  Moments of peace, joy, laughter, etc. are not distractions.  They are necessary to find and incorporate balance in our lives.  We all need some wins and we need to get really good at finding them.  Find your balance between happiness, joy, humor, and a healthy dose of awareness in what is happening in the world.
 
Feed and nourish yourself.
We must get into the habit of feeding and nourishing ourselves with holistic wellness and care, i.e. self-care.  Our physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual selves need to be fed and well nourished.  When we are well fed and nourished, we are then better able to sustain the stressors that come into our lives.  It’s like a protective bubble or protective shield.  When we are physically fit, emotionally healthy, have positive relationships, have good role models, when we feel good about our jobs, etc., negative things don’t impact us as much.  Today, figure out in what ways you can begin (or continue) to feed and nourish yourself (this may help!).

Strengthen your sense of agency.
When you are marginalized or oppressed, you become accustomed to feeling like external factors have a very unfair, unjust and controlling influence on your life.  Yes, there are many things that are out of our control and have the power to influence our life in negative ways.  This compromises our ability to develop our own sense of agency- the belief in the choice and control we have in our lives.  So, thriving comes with strengthening this sense of agency.  We tend to have a stronger sense of well-being when we feel that we have control over our own lives.  Today, find a way to take back your agency by noticing what you do have control over in this moment of your life.  Tap into the choices you have or the moments where you can take control over your life.  Steer the direction of your life in your favor.  Don’t give away your agency to the ills of the world. 

Live in accord with your values.
Whenever I have a client who is having trouble redirecting their life, I always encourage them to tap into their values.  What do you value?  What matters to you?  What is important to you?  What principles do you live by?  How do you want to be remembered?  What do you want your legacy to be?  Our values are important because they guide our actions, influence our behaviors, drive our perceptions of the world, and have a lot of impact on the decisions we make.  Today, figure out what it is that truly matters to you by getting to the core of what you value in this life.

Do what makes you come alive.
As Howard Thurman once said, “Do not ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that.  Because what the world needs most is people who have come alive.”  Instead of figuring out what you can do for the world, do what makes you come alive.  Do the things that you are extremely passionate about, the things that bring you happiness and joy- because this is the very gift that you need to give to the world, society, and your community.  This is what the world and those around you need to see so that they, too, will feel encouraged to come alive. 

Read more about healing from trauma here… ​

If you enjoyed reading this, also listen to Ep. 3 “The Art of Thriving” and Ep. 17 “Should we watch videos of police brutality and Black death?” of ‘A Different Perspective’ Podcast.

The information and resources I’ve created are dedicated to anyone who’s ever doubted their abilities to succeed; for anyone who wasn’t able to attain higher education, even if they desperately wanted to; for anyone who has at one time believed they couldn’t go to school because they didn’t know anyone else who has; for anyone who’s light was dimmed by the expectation of failure.  I hope this ignites that flame inside of you to push against these odds and continue on in this journey.  

Recently, I received an email from a college student asking for tips and advice on how to get into graduate school.  This is a question I receive often!  I’ve actually been quite surprised at how often I get asked about the process of attaining education, particularly graduate school.  This general topic comes in a close second to questions that I receive about psychology and mental health.  Because of that, I decided that it is probably time for me to go ahead and offer this type of information in the form of a written piece and additional resources.  So with that being said, I have been hard at work gathering and structuring lots of information that I believe pertinent to one’s process of securing acceptance into graduate school (i.e. "The Timeline," Grad School FAQs, Grad Psychology FAQs, ‘A Different Perspective’ podcast episode 15 and episode 16).

Graduate school changed my life.  That’s why I often get so passionate about why I believe more of us should attend graduate school, if we are able.  I pride myself on being a 1st generation college student.  Neither my mother nor my father were able to attend college.  In fact, they both were part of the first generations in their families to graduate high school.  I am always so proud of my parents for working as hard as they did to make sure that I (and my brother) were able to attend college.  With that being said, going to college has its challenges when you are one of the firsts.  In fact, research shows us that 1st generation college students often have unique barriers and difficulties that stem from this very position of being the first.  We often see higher rates of mental health challenges, academic difficulty, social isolation, and even higher dropout rates among the population of 1st generation students.  The research has shown us that having a family member who has previously attended college offers several protective and beneficial factors that help to improve college adjustment and success. 

Research and statistics on the challenges of being a 1st generation college student remind me of why I (and many other professionals like me) feel a deep responsibility to ensure that more members of our communities are able to have access to the very thing that has the potential to ensure a markedly improved quality of life: education.  Honestly, I’m extremely lucky to have even considered going to graduate school because prior to my attending undergraduate college, I had little awareness of what graduate school even meant.  I was lucky to have met one Black woman who, at the time, had recently been accepted to graduate school for psychology.  She and I talked in depth about this process and why she believed it was a great next step for her, and why I should consider doing the same.  In those seemingly small interactions, this woman had expanded my perception of the future immensely and that is what sparked my desire to pursue graduate school.  Seeing her as a model and example for what was possible made it so that it was also possible for me to do the same.  I am forever grateful and indebted to her for that life-altering experience.  

Graduate school connected me to a number of amazing individuals, who have motivated and inspired me to give back to my community, enrich myself with knowledge, and to value my own talents and gifts.  Because of those mentors, I now feel like a gatekeeper to my profession and have an important responsibility to ensure that many others are able to join me on the other side.  ​

Overall, my experience of choosing to attend graduate school is one that I would choose again and again.  I realize that graduate school is not something that everyone will want or need to do, but if you are contemplating whether you should consider graduate school, I suggest reflecting on the following questions:

1.       Why do I want to pursue graduate school?
Graduate school is a huge time and financial commitment that one must be 100% sure about before committing.  Determine why you want to pursue graduate school and feel confident about this before committing. 
 
2.       How will I finance my graduate education?
Yes, graduate school is expensive and requires a clear financial plan for how you will finance your education.  Many programs provide scholarships and financial assistance.  Other programs will require the need for employment, academic loans, or outside scholarships.  Many graduates take part in loan repayment programs upon completion of their graduate programs.  Don’t let the cost of graduate school discourage you.  Instead, put some extra consideration into how to make this work for you!
 
3.       What do I passionately see myself doing in the future?
If you do not feel passionate about the field that your degree will prepare you for, then you might want to reconsider whether pursuing this degree is the right decision.  Find what you are passionate about and make sure that your pursuit of graduate education will get you there.
 
4.       How will I keep myself motivated and energized during graduate school?
Graduate school is a journey and will require your ability to keep yourself motivated and energized during this long haul.  Figure out how you will sustain the energy to keep going.
 
5.       How will I take care of myself during graduate school?
Graduate school takes time, energy, and will break you down if you allow it too.  Make sure that you develop strong self-care skills and boundaries around your health before you begin your graduate program.

If you still feel ready and passionate about moving forward with graduate school after reading those questions, consider reading “The Timeline” so that you are prepared for completing your graduate school applications.
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Have questions about graduate school?  Read through Graduate School FAQs.

Have questions specifically about pursuing graduate school in psychology?  Read through Grad Psychology FAQs.

I know a lot about trauma.  Over the past few years, I have been lucky to have learned so much about trauma, in all its forms.  Learning about trauma has served several purposes for me.  At one point in my career, I worked closely with traumatized youth, many of which were children of color and had been physically assaulted, emotionally abused, neglected, homeless, sexualized, and harmed in ways one could hardly imagine.   I don’t do that type of work anymore, but I’ll always be grateful for those experiences.  More recently, the role trauma has played in my professional life has helped me to better understand all the ways that Black people and communities have been impacted by trauma.    The answer to this question is remarkably profound, as our community has been impacted by many forms of trauma (i.e. single traumas, complex traumas, collective traumas, racial traumas, intergenerational traumas-similar to Dr. DeGruy’s theory of ‘Posttraumatic Slave Syndrome’). 
​
The layers and depth of our trauma are real and I found myself digging deeper and deeper into the layers. I don’t think I was alone in this.  I noticed a collective “call to action” in the Black community to unearth the truth regarding all the ways in which we have been harmed throughout our history.  Many of us were learning more of our history by reading and teaching others.  We watched Root.  We watched videos of police brutality.  We performed spoken words of our pain.  We listened to Kendrick Lamar, A Tribe Called Quest, and Solange.  Even our artists, athletes, and beloved celebrities were in on the awakening.  It was actually a magical time.  We all collectively became conscious and “woke up”.  No one could take that knowledge and awareness from us.  We are a much better people for this awakening.

I continued to dig deep into the understandings of our traumas and pain, until I realized that with anything, balance is needed.  I noticed myself moving in a direction that also elicited a different type of pain.  In the world of clinical psychology, we call it secondary or vicarious trauma, which occurs when one becomes traumatized by the witnessing or secondary experiencing of a traumatic act.  In my studies and deepening understandings of trauma, I became moody, emotional, and I had difficulty relating and socializing with people who did not look like me.  I felt worried about the well-being of my family, friends, and community because we were Black.  I did not feel safe.  Again, I was not alone in this, as I also noticed a wave of collective re-traumatizing as we all worked to increase our awareness of our trauma and pain.  I noticed more students of color come into my office, with complaints of symptoms of posttraumatic stress syndrome (PTSD) that was brought about by their own new awareness of their world.  Very quickly, our awakening had turned into something painful and difficult to manage.  This led me to wonder: What does healing look like for Black people?

​Ironically, I know that many of us are reluctant to shift our focus from trauma and pain to healing.  I understand that for some, contemplating that sort of shift in focus can feel like one is “selling out” or that we aren’t able to handle the pressure of staying awake.  Being conscious is like wearing a badge of honor or declaring some sort of prestige.  It’s something that many of us brag about because we know just how difficult it is to keep your eyes open to the injustices of the world.  But like many things, our concept of wokeness and consciousness needs to change, and instead should include an aspect of wellness.  Instead, our awakening should be necessitated by essential self-care and wellness so that we are able to sustain our new found knowledge, insights, and education about ourselves, our history, and our community. 

Imagine a world in which Black people were consciously aware of our history, struggles, pain, while also keenly aware of the value and need for healing and taking care of ourselves.  Imagine what it would be like for us all to start taking our healing and wellness so seriously, that it has no choice but to greatly impact our children and their children.  We will be better parents, better leaders, better teachers, better friends, and better people.  We will be better to ourselves.  The healing will be exponential, as the impact of our growth and improvement begins to impact the lives of others around us.  I get excited when I consider the power and strength that may come from our community as we begin to make this important shift to healing.  For me, this does not seem unattainable or impossible.  I believe it is possible for us to begin to shift our focus to healing, so that we can begin to experience life in a much healthier and well-adjusted way.  We deserve this. We need this! 

Our healing must be holistic, meaning that it must encompass every and all aspects of health and wellness.  In my clinical work, I frequently teach others about the eight domains of wellness- physical, emotional, social, environmental, spiritual, occupational, intellectual, and financial.  Being aware and giving attention of all eight of these areas of wellness will ensure that we are achieving healing and wellness holistically.  A great way to begin approaching holistic healing and wellness would be to ask yourself the following questions:

​In what ways can I enhance my (insert each aspect of wellness here) health?
Where can I establish more healthy boundaries in my life?
What brings me joy?
What will move me forward in life?
What is good for me?
What does it look like when I take care of myself?

Another great way to begin approaching holistic healing and wellness would be to take part in the #21DaysofSelfCare challenge.  This is a challenge I created to help myself and others jumpstart a self-care journey.  It teaches you about all eight domains of wellness and how you can begin to incorporate these aspects into your life now and for the future.  You can learn more about the #21DaysofSelfCare challenge here. 

It would be hypocritical for me to ask you to challenge and commit yourself to healing without doing this for myself.  So what does my healing look like now?

• Drinking 80-100oz of water a day.
• Hot tea every morning.
• Physical exercise at least 3-5 times each week.
• Setting boundaries around negativity and toxicity around me. 
• Limited amounts of political news, mostly in the form of podcasts I trust.
• More balanced reading, to include more pleasurable fiction.
• Creating work (podcasting, writing, etc.) that fuels my passions for the Black community.
• Loving on my dog and fiancé, every single day.
• Eating well.
• Social media breaks.

So what will your healing look like?  How will you begin the shift from trauma to healing in your life?  Let me know here, here, here, or here and please encourage others to join us in this collective move toward healing. 

Want to hear more about trauma and its effects?  
Listen to Ep. 8 of 'A Different Perspective' podcast.  
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*Subscribe to the podcast, on iTunes, Google Play, or Soundcloud.  

​I have been a licensed clinical psychologist for exactly one year today.  I have no idea where the time as gone, but also feel like there is so much time ahead of me.  I’m so excited about all I’ve learned so far and everything I plan to learn and accomplish in the future.  December is the perfect time to reflect on the past year and what is to come.  This is something I tend to do every year, but this year feels slightly more special to me because 2016 was such a dynamic year.  I have really enjoyed writing and sharing information about mental health, self-care, Black psychology, etc.  However, this time I wanted to get more personal and share with you my process of reflection near the end of this year and my preparation for 2017. 

At the end of every year, one of the first things I do is to review all that I’ve accomplished or anything that has significantly changed in my life.  It is really easy for life to pass us by and for us to not even realize what has happened until several years later, but slowing down and tracking the events of life can help.  Personally, I believe life to be too precious to pass by without any awareness or acknowledgement of what is happening.  Living is such a gift, and taking the time to pay attention to the experience is one way that I honor the events of my life. 
​
A lot happened in my life this year but what stands out the most is:

• I relocated to Tennessee and started a new job that I love.
• I completed my first year of being a licensed clinical psychologist.
• I became more comfortable and sure of my spirituality.
• I completed two professional presentations.
• I became more serious and consistent about my passion for writing.
• I went to Jamaica for the first time and had an amazing time.
• I became engaged to my now fiancé.
• I gained a better understanding of my life purpose.
• I have continued to maintain dramberthornton.com, which has included 19 published blog posts and a number of resources about mental health and psychology. 

​After determining what has happened in the course of one year, I then determine what lessons I have learned as a result.  This year was full of great lessons:

Take risks and dream big.  Too much time of my life has been spent negotiating the amount of risk I wanted to take in order to move forward.  Thinking in terms of risk has always brought me some anxiety, but this year I learned that when I took the biggest risks (i.e. relocating without a sure plan of employment, launching a website as a new and young professional, applying for jobs I didn’t believe I was qualified for, negotiating salary and occupational responsibilities, etc.), I usually received the biggest return.  Most of the risks I took this year, I have benefited from tremendously.  I have even been surprised at what I have been able to achieve or gain after initially believing I was asking for too much.  I’m thankful for every risk I had the courage to take this year.

Celebrate yourself and never dim your light.  I realize I am not the only person who has struggled to celebrate themselves or to even take pride in their work or success.  Unfortunately, many of us are taught that taking pride in ourselves is selfish, or “bragging” but this year I learned that isn’t true.  It has typically been very uncomfortable for me to share my accomplishments or to showcase my talents but this year I forced myself to do more of it and I don’t regret it.  I realized that dimming my light to make others feel more comfortable does not benefit me in any way and I’m only compromising my own personal, spiritual, and professional growth in doing so.  Celebrating myself has helped improve my confidence and assertiveness.  Instead of dimming my light, I’d rather share my success and talents, in the hopes that it may encourage and inspire someone else to work toward becoming their very best self too. 

​Take your time and trust the process of life.  Those who are closest to me know that the first half of my 2016 was full of doubt, dread, and very little hope, passion, or motivation.  I had not yet found a job in my field that I felt passionate about and it was miserable.  In those moments, I often needed to remind myself that it was temporary and my time would come.  Needless to say, my time did come and I now have a job that has given me so much joy and happiness.  I can very easily apply this lesson to so many other moments from this year, including moving through emotional discomfort from changes within my relationships, adjusting to relocation from Ohio to Tennessee, and growing and nurturing my relationship with my fiancé.  All of these events have taught me to take my time rather than rushing through life and to put absolute trust in the process of life.  I firmly believe that life unfolds as it should, and I never want to rush that process. 

​The final step in my reflection process involves planning for the upcoming year.  This usually isn’t an extensive, step-by-step plan, but more so a broader summary of my hopes and desires for the next year.  So what’s in store for me and my 2017?

• Enjoying the final year of my 20s and anticipating 30 years of life.
• Preparing for marriage.
• Better alignment with my passions and life purpose.
• More and better self-care.
• Taking more risk in my professional career and becoming more comfortable with trying new things.
• Continuing to evolve and grow dramberthornton.com. 
• Significant progress made toward my first book… (Hopefully more to come on that later!). 

​
Ultimately, one significant theme of my year has been gratitude.  I’m thankful for everything that has come my way in 2016 and eagerly await what is to come in 2017. 

​Thank you for allowing me to share myself with you in 2016!  Please feel free to share your process with me and continue to share this process with others you love.
 
Happy New Year!  

Ever since I listened to A Seat at the Table, the one thing that has been on my mind is that dealing with difficult emotion is both challenging and incredibly human.  It was right around this same time when we learned that Kid Cudi was voluntarily hospitalized in a psychiatric setting for suicidal thoughts and depression.   At that time, it became very apparent to me that difficult emotion is something that we all will experience at some point in our lives, and at varying degrees of severity.  Because of that, it is something that we must recognize, acknowledge, and learn to accept. ​
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Whenever I meet a new client who comes to me for mental health counseling/psychotherapy, one of the first things I say is this:

“I am not a magician, so I cannot make the difficult things in your life go away.  I cannot make your difficult emotions go away either.  But we can work together to help you manage them, because they are a valuable part of life.”

Every day, both personally and professionally, I meet people who attempt to stuff and suppress their difficult emotions, with the hopes that this process will make them all go away.  Within our families, friendships, and even through the media, we are taught that we should be able to “control” our emotions.  We are also taught that if we avoid feeling our difficult emotions, that they will eventually go away.  Unfortunately, none of this is true.

Many days, I can’t help but wonder what our lives could be like if we embrace the idea that life will include both ups and downs, happiness and sadness, joy and dismay.  I truly believe that if we are able to accept our difficult emotions as being an integral part of life, then they may begin to feel and look much different.  I realize this can sound confusing or paradoxical even, but many times, the very thing we try to avoid is what we need to embrace the most.  It’s like the elephant in the room: it is big and takes up so much space while we try to ignore it, but once we acknowledge that it’s there, it’s not so big anymore.  It becomes quite manageable and we eventually learn ways to manage the discomfort.  Sometime it may eventually fade away.  Believe it or not, our emotions operate in the very same way. 
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So what contributes to difficult emotion?  The list is endless, but a few of the most common contributors include:
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​It would be odd for someone to not experience negative emotions in response to these various circumstances and conditions.  In that way, our negative emotions serve to alert us that something has happened, or that maybe something did go wrong in our lives.  We can think about it like an alarm system that gives vital information about our bodies and mind.  Without being aware of these emotions, we may miss an important piece of information about what has happened, and what we should then do to resolve the affliction and heal the wound.

​I realize that there are so many questions that we may have about mental health and how to handle difficult emotions.  This is especially true when we are not used to dealing with our emotions or sharing them with other people.  But here are a few things that could be helpful to consider:
 
What is the difference between general emotional discomfort vs mental health crisis?
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Emotional discomfort is a very normal and healthy part of our mental and emotional health.  When we experience emotional discomfort, we are likely experiencing emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, jealously, envy, worry, etc.  General emotional discomfort usually accompanies difficult situations, challenging circumstances, school or work stress, death or loss, and other life transitions.  This type of emotional discomfort is usually not chronic and is more likely to fall in sync with other life events or circumstances.
 
The experiences of general emotional discomfort and mental health crisis are very different. 
We may be experiencing a mental health crisis when emotional distress is chronic (consistent and unwavering for several months or more), seems to alter usual temperament or personality, and begins to interfere with our ability to function, be productive, or complete activities of daily living.  Other hallmark signs of mental health crisis is active psychosis (auditory hallucinations, visual hallucinations, delusions, extreme paranoia, etc.), self-injurious behaviors (i.e. cutting oneself with sharp objects, burning, etc.), suicidal thoughts and homicidal thoughts. 
 
At what point should I seek help?
 
Many times, general emotional discomfort needs patience, time, social support, and really good self-care (keep reading for tips on this) for it to pass.  However, it can be beneficial to seek the help of a mental health professional for these experiences. 
 
If we are experiencing a mental health crisis, this generally requires the help and assistance of a qualified mental health professional.  Therefore, if you or someone you know is experiencing any of the symptoms characteristic of a mental health crisis, seek help immediately.
 
What help is available?
 
Professional mental health support usually falls within one of the following categories:
 
Mental Health Counseling/Psychotherapy- Counseling or psychotherapy is typically what is seen on television and in the media as the primary form of mental health support.  This involves speaking with a licensed mental health professional on a weekly, biweekly, or monthly basis about any distressing thoughts, feelings or life circumstances that may be contributing to our current emotional distress.  This form of mental health support is usually temporary (6-12 weeks) but can also be long-term (several months or more).  The time spent in mental health counseling/psychotherapy really varies based on our mental and emotional needs at that time.    As someone who is a licensed mental health professional and who has also benefited from counseling/psychotherapy in the past, I recommend this type of mental health support for everyone.  Speaking with a mental health professional can help improve our ability to understand our thoughts, emotions, and other life circumstances.  A mental health professional can assist in developing coping skills to handle current emotional distress.  These coping skills can also be used for future experiences of emotional distress.  Mental health counseling/psychotherapy is also ideal for receiving help in dealing with any past traumas or other adverse experiences (i.e past abuses, previous deaths and other relationship losses, etc.) that may still have lingering effects on us.   
 
Psychiatry/Medication Management- Psychiatric medication management is another form of mental health treatment that involves using medication to help alleviate distressing mental and emotional symptoms.  Medication management cannot be facilitated by every mental health professional, and is generally provided by a licensed psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, or a family physician.  For many people, chronic emotional distress or other serious mental health conditions (i.e. Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, etc.) may not be easily alleviated with mental health counseling/psychotherapy alone.  For these instances, medication is extremely beneficial.  Alternatively, medication can also be used to relieve temporary emotional distress (i.e. grief after death of a loved one or a ended relationship, situational anxiety around public speaking or flying in an airplane, etc.). 
 
Crisis Stabilization/Psychiatric Hospitalization- Crisis stabilization or psychiatric hospitalization is the most extreme form of mental health treatment.  Typically, this form of treatment is needed when we are experiencing a mental health crisis (as was explained above).  The purpose of this form of treatment is to stabilize us (primarily with medication, intensive counseling/psychotherapy, and medical supervision) to our pre-crisis state, with the hope that we will then seek continued mental health treatment via counseling/psychotherapy or medication management.  The length of crisis stabilization/psychiatric hospitalization can range from a few hours to a week or more, depending on our mental and emotional needs at that time. 
 
Do I need medication?
 
This is a question that I receive often, particularly from people who are skeptical of the effects of psychiatric medication.  For some reason, our society does not have a positive impression of psychiatric medication and those who choose to use it for optimal mental health.  However, I have found that psychiatric medication can be very beneficial and even life changing for many people.  Therefore, the decision to utilize psychiatric medication is personal one that is best made by yourself and with the support of a licensed mental health professional.  There should be no shame in making a decision to enhance your own mental and emotional health. 
 
For those who remain skeptical and wish to seek alternative methods, I suggest mental health counseling/psychotherapy, in addition to the very best self-care possible.  Often times, mental and emotional distress is linked to our lack of care for ourselves.  At the very minimum, prioritizing adequate sleep (7-8hrs per night), proper eating habits, and consistent physical activity can be enough to positively impact your mental and emotional health. 

Korryn Gaines was killed by Baltimore, MD law enforcement on Monday, August 1, 2016.  Since then, several articles and discussions have occurred about her life and the circumstances of her death.  Noteworthy is the fact that Korryn is documented to be the 9th Black woman to be killed by American law enforcement this year. 

There are many things I do not know about Korryn, and the information I do know is limited to social media, news outlets, and remnants of her own social media posts.  With that, there is a lot to be said about the circumstances of Korryn’s death, however so much is unknown and may never be known. 
Some time has passed since this incident.  I wanted to give myself time to gather information, and ponder over her life and the resulting circumstances before drawing any conclusions.  However, it didn’t take long for me to see that mental health has played a major role in the unfolding of events and circumstances.  Unfortunately what really prompted me to write about Korryn was the amount of blame attributed to her for her own death and injury of her son.  Many believed her actions to be less than ideal and unrespectable.  Therefore, many blamed Korryn for this incident because her action did not represent what most of us believe we would have done. 

With that, I don’t have the answers, however I am hesitant to place blame on Korryn for her death.  Rather, I want to provide a different perspective for what could have happened; one that involves a recognition and understanding of mental health, and more specifically, a framework for understanding how trauma and other stress-related incidents impact our worldview and influences our interactions within society.  

​To begin this discussion, we need to be equipped with a basic understanding of trauma and traumatic stress.  Trauma and traumatic stress occur when one is exposed to stressful, dangerous, and/or life-threatening events.  Traumatic experiences have the ability to impact social, emotional, and cognitive development, and leads to impairments in the way we socialize, understand our emotions, express our emotions, and interpret the intentions and actions of others.  Traumatic experiences alter our entire understanding of what happens around us and has consequences for how we then function in our lives.  This is intensified when these experiences occur during childhood and when there are multiple and continuous events (i.e. living in poverty, experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, witnessing domestic violence, etc.).  Individuals who have experienced traumatic events are more likely to experience mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, social isolation, paranoia, and even early death.  

To deepen this discussion, there also needs to be an understanding of racial trauma.  Racial trauma can be understood as a subset of trauma, as it specifically addresses traumatic experiences that are related to race, racism, and race-related stressors.  Therefore, racial trauma can be defined as racial experiences of real or perceived threat or danger.  These experiences can be directly experienced or the witnessing of someone else’s experience.  This can also be triggered by hearing about the racial experiences of others.  These racial experiences often cause feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, fear of safety, and perceived shortened live expectancy (i.e. “I may not make it to 25 years old.”).  Racial trauma rarely involve a single event, and is more likely to be a culmination of racial experiences, resulting in insidious and chronic stress.  These racial events include individual racist events, consequences of institutional racism, effects of cultural racism, daily microaggressions, and perceived racism.  

​It would be difficult to find any person of color who lives in America who has not experienced some sort of racism, or race-related stressor.  Therefore, it is likely that many of us experience and are impacted by varying levels of racial trauma.  Likewise, it is common to encounter individuals who have experienced other traumatic events at some point in their lives.  More frightening is the idea that there are many people of color who experience racial trauma, in addition to other non-racial traumas.  This means that there are even more disturbing consequences for their lives.  

​Based on the small amount of what I have learned about Korryn’s life, I feel comfortable understanding her life as one that may have been impacted by several traumatic events (both racial and otherwise).  When I know that someone has experience assaults on their livelihood and experiences that have the potential to alter their ability to live, I begin to have a different level of empathy for their life.  This is because trauma is unfair and often unfixable. 

It wasn’t fair that Korryn may have been exposed to lead early in her life that had the potential to damage her cognitive and physical livelihood.  It wasn’t fair that Korryn was born into conditions that even had the potential to expose her to lead.  It wasn’t fair that Korryn felt that her life was in danger and that she needed to protect herself and her family.  It wasn’t fair that Korryn was possibly the victim of domestic violence.  It wasn’t fair that Korryn may have had a miscarriage while she was in jail.  It wasn’t fair that Korryn experienced oppression and felt victimized by law enforcement for being a Black Woman.  None of this was fair and all of it was traumatic for Korryn. 

It is easy to blame Korryn for the events that led up to her death, but who do we blame for the conditions and experiences of Korryn’s life that altered her physical and mental livelihood?  The same behaviors and actions that make it easy for us blame Korryn for her death and injury of her son are directly related to the traumatic experiences that led Korryn’s perception of her environment as one of danger, injustice, and impending doom.  There is no one way to respond to traumatic experiences and there is no right reaction to abnormal circumstances.  Therefore, I cannot blame Korryn for her actions and reactions to the threatening events and circumstances that occurred within her life. 

When I consider the environments that contribute to experiences of paranoia, anxiety, and fear of law enforcement, I realize that society has failed Korryn.  When I think about the potential lack of mental health resources afforded to Korryn and people like her, I realize that the mental health profession has failed Korryn.  When I considered the reality of thousands of people who are not able to empathize with Korryn’s logic and reasoning, I realize that we continue to fail Korryn and people like her.  I wonder how her life would have been different if more people were around to identify and name her mental health symptoms, rather than ignore them.  I wonder how her life would have been different if more people were around to validate and support her through these experiences, rather than harass and antagonize.  I wonder how Korryn’s life would have been different if the world we lived in was just a little bit better, so that she would not have experienced traumatic stress and alterations in the way she perceives her world.  If our world was just a little bit better, she would probably be alive today.
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I hope that this perspective of Korryn shifts the conversation from blame to caring, empathy and more advocacy for accessible mental health service.   I hope this contributes to increased education about mental health so that we are able to identify the signs and symptoms within ourselves and our loved ones, before it’s too late.

​A little over a month ago, I saw a tweet from Dr. Steven Perry that has bothered me ever since.  

While Dr. Perry was amazed and inspired by what he witnessed, I was heartbroken.  What he saw as the “ladder to success” I saw as the road to destruction. 
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Dr. Perry seems to operate on a premise of respectability politics, one that attempts to police members of marginalized groups by teaching and encouraging social values that are compatible with mainstream values.  While this sounds promising, the core of respectability politics occurs at the expense of learning to understand and love one’s own innate or inherent cultural identity.  Because of that, respectability politics are risky. 

While I am typically unapologetic about my criticism of respectability politics, I do realize that often times, these “politics” have derived out of legitimate fear and concern for the well-being of our loved ones.  For example, it’s common to hear a parent instruct their {Black} children not to wear hoodies in stores, or to say “yes ma’am/sir” to law enforcement.  These instructions are meant to guide toward success and steer away from misfortune.  Sometimes, these instructions are given to prevent very real threats to livelihood itself. 

While these instructions to be respectable provide some ease of worry and anxiety for parents and loved ones, they come with a cost.  I believe that every time a young Black person is persuaded to change themselves in order to fit in or be safe, they are disempowered.  That simple and seemingly innocent instruction to change or be different gradually becomes an attitude of inferiority, then a belief in inequity, and then a mindset of defeat. 

This is dangerous.  The benefits of respectability politics do not seem to outweigh the cons, particularly when we have be given countless examples of how being respectable was not enough to protect from prejudice, discrimination, harm, or loss of life.  

There are concepts in psychology referred to as “First- Order Change” and “Second- Order Change.”  First Order Changes are generally employed to achieve a balance or establish some sort of equilibrium within a system.  In general, First Order Changes are linear, simple, require less consideration, and are met with very little resistance.  Responding to racial discrimination with respectability politics is a First-Order Change.  It’s a linear, simple, minimally resistant solution to experiences of racial discrimination. 

​On the other hand, Second Order Changes are quite the opposite.  Second Order Changes are non-linear, complex, require much thought and consideration, and are generally met with resistance.  This is because Second Order Changes challenge the very foundation in which a system is created and maintained.  This is generally how real change is made.  Teaching and encouraging Black individuals to resist mainstream standards and to embrace their cultural uniqueness is a Second Order Change.  

It is not enough to teach Black people to be “respectable” in order to attain success.  Instead, we must encourage adequate racial socialization of young Black children, which should include the following:
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• Knowledge and teachings about one’s history and culture. 
• Messages and practices that encourage racial pride.
• An honest (yet age appropriate) understanding about experiences of racism, prejudice, and discrimination. 

While this does not ensure that Black children will not face harm, ridicule, or discrimination because of their race, it will ensure that Black children have the tools and skills to handle such experiences.  Additionally, adequate racial socialization will help to buffer some of the negative impacts of racial distress they experience, resulting in a lowered risk for mental health challenges.  Ultimately, adequate racial socialization leads to healthy racial identity development, and pride and affection for one’s own culture.  Empowerment comes with learning to embrace one’s culture without internalizing the negative biases and beliefs that come with forcing one to be respectable (or less of themselves). 

Cultural pride is necessary for optimal mental health and well-being.  Respectability politics only strips one of the ability to feel pride, strength, and power in simply being themselves.  The lack of cultural pride and empowerment can lead to underdeveloped identity, misplaced emotionality, and a host of other mental health concerns. 
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Healthy children and adults are ones who are happy with themselves.  No amount of respectability politics will ever be worth more than genuine satisfaction and contentment with one’s self and culture.

Let’s choose to end respectability politics by replacing them with love and acceptance of ourselves and each other. 

Empower yourself.
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Empower one another.