Prioritizing Your Wellness to have BALANCE in your Motherhood

This week I want to talk about the letter “A” from our acronym of “balanced”.

As most of you know if you have been following or been a part of Balanced Working mama for a while, we have 8 core values all under the word “BALANCED,” and letter A stands for Always Prioritize Wellness, So you might be wondering… what exactly is wellness? What do we mean when we say wellness? Well for one, I want you to know that wellness is so much more than just your physical well-being. I think a lot of times, that's the first thing that we think about. We think physically, like exercise and eating. And that is important. That's a big part of it. But wellness encompasses so much more.

I want to put in a quick plug for the Balanced Working Mama Wellness Assessment, because what that does is it assesses for 12 critical areas of wellness for working mothers. It is an assessment that I created, because I wanted to learn a little bit more about the working mother and her areas of wellness. I believe that there are 12 critical areas that are important as we navigate work, motherhood and our wellness, and those areas encompass social, emotional, physical, and so much more. So if you are curious about your own wellness, as a working mother, definitely reach out to me and we’ll talk a little bit about the wellness assessment.

But I want you to know that your wellness really takes into account your overall state of being. When someone asks, ‘How are you,’ think about all of you. How are you know, all of you? How are you doing in your entirety? I want to know, how is all of you doing? That is what I mean by wellness. It is your mind, your body, your social connections, your emotional supports, your dreams, your passions, your goals. Are those all in line? How are you doing in your full entirety? What happens when we don't prioritize our wellness, it always leads to more fatigue, and us feeling more overwhelmed in physical, mental, emotional decline. It's a catch 22 because a lot of times what I see is that mamas are not prioritizing their wellness, because they believe that there are other things that are more important or more pressing or more urgent. But really what happens is that while you're prioritizing those other things, and you're just saying, ‘well I’ll get back to my wellness later, a few things are happening.’ One, there's always going to be something else, especially when you are a mother and you're working. There's always going to be something else that pops up that is urgent and important, and that needs your help. You’re going to run yourself down by constantly prioritizing those other things and forgetting about your wellness. 

So when we prioritize our wellness, first, it helps us to fill our cup, so that we are not so fatigued, so we don’t feel as overwhelmed, and we're not further declining in our physical, mental and emotional well-being. We can only be as well as we actually feel when it comes to motherhood. Again, you can only be as well as you feel in motherhood. If you're not feeling well, yeah, you might be getting a lot done. But how are you truly getting these things done? And what is the quality of all of the things that you're getting your done? How well are you getting all these things done if you're not prioritizing your wellness. To help with that issue, I want to talk about three things that might be keeping you from prioritizing your wellness. Again, this is important because I feel like before I send you off to say, okay, go prioritize your wellness, you might need to first know what things are keeping you from already achieving that. And how can I fix it so I don't run into a barrier. We don't want you to run into barriers with this - and just saying the word barrier, it actually made me think of the Empower Wellness Program, so I guess I'll put in another plug for that. 

One of the modules that we work through - I think in week four - is barriers. I put that in week four because I didn't want us to spend too much time on the barriers in the beginning, but instead I put it at the end because after the moms make some progress, I want them to go back and think about what were their barriers for their wellness before? And then how do we make sure that those barriers are not going to be an issue moving forward. So, if you feel like there have been barriers to your wellness and you're just really struggling to move past them, the Empower Wellness Program might be a good fit for you. 

“Girl, it is never going to be perfect. What this does is leads you to continue to procrastinate because you're waiting for something that is unrealistic and unsustainable. Perfection is something we should never be shooting for in motherhood. Especially as working mothers - nothing is going to be perfect. But you know what it can be… it can be complete.”

But let's get back to the topic at hand, three things keeping you from prioritizing your wellness and how to turn that around. Number one, you don't know where to start. This is extremely common. And it's kind of like that feeling of ‘I know something needs to change.’ I know that I'm constantly fatigued, I'm overwhelmed, I feel like I'm not managing things. I feel like I don't have enough time for myself. The feeling that something needs to change because what I'm doing is not sustainable for me and my family… I just don't know where to begin. When you are in that feeling, or in that state where you don't know where to start, you're just overwhelmed by thinking about even how to begin. So you stay stuck, because even thinking about what it looks like to get out of that place is overwhelming. Or it can seem like there's so many places to start, you just don't know. Now for the fix, and honestly, I know I've already said this, but I highly recommend the Wellness Assessment. I'm saying this, because I've seen so many moms transform, literally just from taking this assessment and talking to me for 30 minutes. I even have some mamas in mind that one day, if they're up to it, I want to just talk to them or bring them on the podcast, because I really do believe that there's something about that assessment that really helps to transform all of the fog and push it forward. And what it is, is that the Wellness Assessment provides more clarity and direction on how to get started. Because when you take the Wellness Assessment, there is a template with 12 critical areas of wellness for working mothers, and you get to learn where your strengths are and where your areas of growth are in terms of those 12 areas of wellness. That right there is tremendous because now you know you don't have to hyper focus on those areas. Because you’re doing well there. Instead you know where exactly you have to put most of your focus. So again, the Balanced Working Mama Wellness Assessment really brings a lot of clarity and a lot of directions on where to get started, literally in 30 minutes.

Photo by Kieana Rochelle Mainor

The second thing that is keeping you from prioritizing your wellness is that you will assume that other things are more important. I know I already talked about this in the beginning of the episode, but this right here is the thing that really keeps us from ever meeting any of our wellness goals. This thought leads you to prioritize other things over and over again. Initially, maybe you don't mean for it to happen this way. It might be like you're in a place where you're think, ‘Okay, I'm ready to start my wellness journey.’ But then next thing you know, you got to enroll your kid to kindergarten. So now you’re thinking, well, I'm going to hold off on my wellness goal right now because I really just need to make sure that he or she gets enrolled in the school and everything's good. You get them enrolled, and now you think your wellness journey is back. Then next thing you know, your other kid is about to start their sports league, so you hold off on your wellness call because you have to make sure that he or she gets ready for their league. Alright, cool, then the sports league is done. You say youre going to go back to your wellness goal, but then next thing you know, it’s November or December and it's the holidays and you think, well, I'm going to focus on the holidays right now. Now you see how it continues over and over again. A cycle. There's always going to be something that comes up in our lives because our lives are constantly changing. Our lives are dynamic, our lives do not only include ourselves, because we are working mothers and there's always going to be something. But when you prioritize your wellness, your wellness is always the foundation of everything that you do, no matter what pops up, despite how urgent it is, how important it is. Your wellness is always going to come first. So you will then learn how to manage and navigate prioritizing your wellness as well as doing this other thing that's really important. And the beauty in it is that when you are feeling well because you are prioritizing your wellness, you are going to do a much better job at getting that urgent, important thing done. We cannot assume that other things are more important because your wellness is always the first priority. That's why we always need to prioritize our wellness. The fix for that - if you are one of those moms who's struggling with everything continuing to pop up, and it keeps pushing your wellness back - we have to shift your mindset about your own value. You have to really work on challenging that belief that you are less valuable than the other people and the other things happening around you. When we can ground ourselves in knowing that we have value and we are just as worthy and important in comparison to everyone else in our household and every other thing around us, we are not going to be pushing our wellness goal back like that, because we realize how important it is. So, if you are having trouble with assuming other things are important, really work on your mindset around your own value, and you have to know that you are important. 

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Last thing that is keeping you from prioritizing your wellness is that you are shooting for perfection. And if it's not perfect, then you're like, ‘Well, why even bother?’ Now I have to wait until I can make it perfect. Girl, it is never going to be perfect. What this does is leads you to continue to procrastinate because you're waiting for something that is unrealistic and unsustainable. Perfection is something we should never be shooting for in motherhood. Especially as working mothers, nothing is going to be perfect. But you know what it can be… it can be complete. Complete is much better than perfection. If you are shooting for perfection, you're never going to prioritize your wellness because your wellness in general is never going to be perfect. And I am also an example of this! I always like to remind us that yes, I am very serious and passionate about teaching working mothers and guiding working mothers. But that don't mean I've got everything under control. All of this is not perfect for me. My wellness is not perfect right now. But it's active. It's in progress and is improving. And that is what matters. It's not perfect. There are so many things in my wellness journey right now that could be better. I'm working on it, and that is the key. I want to see you working on it. I don't want to see you sitting because you think it's not perfect yet. It doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to start somewhere. 

So if you are waiting on perfection, the fix is to start today. Start now. If you are waiting for perfection and that is leading you to procrastinate on prioritizing your wellness, you just have to start your journey right now. You might not have your fancy workout equipment just yet if that is what youre waiting on because Amazon hasn't delivered it yet, But you can go take a walk. You might not have all of the books that you think are going to bring you the wellness that you need. But you can google some articles instead. There are so many things that we can start today that can get us to our wellness journey. Even if it's small. Understand that there is no perfection when it comes to wellness, and when it comes to motherhood, but we've got to start somewhere, and we also have to celebrate the new beginnings. I want you all to truly work on always prioritizing your wellness because it always will pay off.

Hi there! I’m Dr. Amber Thornton.

I’m a Clinical Psychologist, Motherhood Wellness Consultant, wife, and mama to 2 amazing little ones.

My mission is simple: to help working mothers balance work, motherhood, and wellness. I want to completely change the narrative of what is possible for working mothers.

Learn more about how we can work together!